Mystery and Intrigue in Postwar Vienna!
See history as it happens in postwar Vienna. This bomb-ravaged city still looks better than most towns on their best days. Saunter down the cobblestone streets and dodge the crazy autos as you search for old, possibly dead friends. Enjoy Allied-occupation level safety as you hum along to the happy sounds of the zither player. A great place for the budding novelist.
Find Anonymity and True Love in Old World Sicily
Need a quiet getaway while hiding from the law? Bucolic Sicily is the place for you. With its rolling countryside, enchanting background music, trusty guides, and eager-to-marry traditional daughters of local merchants, your stay in this once-proud kingdom is bound to be a memorable one. Huge, vacant villas await your stay. Our automobiles were recently ranked 10th-safest in all of Italy.
¡Viva las Vacaciones!
See historic Latin America, enslaved protectorate of the United Fruit Company on motorbike. Tour the highways of Argentina, Bolivia, Peru, and beyond. Marvel at the struggle of the proletariat in his epic struggle against Yankee bourgeoisie. Steel yourself for the war ahead as you witness first hand the lack of medical care, low wages, and general exploitation at the hands of filthy corporate demagogues. This is just the vacation for the brainwashed, petit-bourgeois student who’s considering scrapping school in favor of violent government overthrows and a united Latin America. Don’t forget to have your picture printed on a souvenir t-shirt!
Study Karate in Beautiful Okinawa
In Okinawa, karate most definitely “here.” Our locals, so steeped in the tradition of martial arts, will challenge your honor and discipline at every turn. Learn how to chop your hand through several blocks of ice, fend off surprise attacks, and prove your masculinity to the local women. Your studies will culminate in a tournament against the local badass!
Visit Iowa for the Father-Son Memories You Never Had
Hearing voices in your head? That’s not God, it’s your late father, attempting to repair the strained and fractured relationship you suffered in life. It’s time for the childhood you never had! Here in down-home Iowa, we’ve done the heavy lifting for you both. Just come to our pristine ball field for a leisurely game of catch, or knock a few out of the park with our Louisville sluggers. Get in the game with the ghosts of Joe Jackson, Ted Williams, Jackie Robinson, and Pete Rose. You’ll feel so fulfilled after your stay, you’ll fire your shrink when you get home. (Pete Rose requires additional fee.)
Time to Hit the Slopes!
You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the Andes. Take a “crash course” in outdoor survival. Our chartered plane will “land” you in the snow-covered mountains, where you and your group will eat like the locals do – through sustenance and resourcefulness. Test the boundaries of civilization and humanity as you learn just how far some will go to survive! You’ll return a changed person, one way or another.
Here in Abu Dhabi, you and your desperate, aging girlfriends can release your inner vixens together in a week-long girls’ night out. Shower yourself in excess as you slurp down Cosmos, prowl for horny men, flaunt your entitled attitudes, and display general effrontery to our people and customs! We promise not to take too much solace in your lonely nightly weeping as you wonder how you lost your souls, especially as we count the criminal amount of cash you’ve forked over in a last ditch attempt to find yourselves. And be sure to visit our world class cupcake shops – now two for $12!