A Modest Proposal for Moroccans

Ladies and gentlemen, I am nothing if not a wholesale supporter of democracy and freedom. Let it ring from one side of the International Date Line to the other, I say. A people’s right to govern itself, no matter how shitty a job it does (see: USA, anymore), is always favorable to totalitarianism, monarchy, dictatorship, anarchy, Hugo Chavez, you name it. Give me liberty or give me death. Except this spring, in Morocco, because that is where my wife and I will be, and we’d prefer not to get mixed up in any hippie nonsense.

We are in awe of the wave of protest fanning the Maghreb like a mighty blast of government Lysol from the aerosol can that is the people. We hope it results in something as empowering and inefficient as our own model. From the shores of Carthage to the island (we’re pretty sure) of Bahrain, if there are to be corrupt leaders making terrible decisions, at least let the people decide which ones.

As for the good people of Morocco, we see that you have caught protest fever. It’s great. We had a bad case of it back in 1776, and it resulted in totally kicking Britain’s ass and having lower taxes. We’re with you. However, because we want to enjoy what your country has to offer, we kindly ask that

1. You postpone all revolutionary activities until the end of Spring, or

2. You complete the overthrow of your king and installment of democracy within 4 weeks.

Otherwise, we will be forced to spend our tourist dollars in a less volatile locale, one that years ago went through something quite like this and is humming along nicely now. Spain, for instance, or Italy. We know, not the worst places to visit, but we really want to see the medina of Marrakesh and the dunes of the Sahara. And we want to buy a rug. Not only buy it, but haggle for it, until we arrive at the price for which you had us, American tourists, pegged.

We promise, if you keep things stable, we’ll buy a rug. If you go the coup route (hopefully bloodless), we’ll hold off til things settle down and democracy flowers. When Justin Bieber stories lead your local newscasts, we’ll know that it’s in full bloom.

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